there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
