I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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