I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
