I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
