the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize