She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
