can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
