Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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