I wish life had little blips of pornography
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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