Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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