I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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