put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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