My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
