Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
as a side note pls kill me
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