That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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