Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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