dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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