Just cropdusted the office
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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