winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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