Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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