nut hugger
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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