If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize