i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
