I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
