I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
