i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
