You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
