you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
