he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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