rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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