You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
