Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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