My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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