Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She bit a glass in half.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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