Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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