its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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