You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
