Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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