Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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