He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
