yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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