Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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