Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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