sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
