So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
