Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
