Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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