First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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