i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
