Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
