I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
