i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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