38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I looked at my own cervix.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
