does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
