So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize