Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
