I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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