Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
