WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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