bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
