Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
