never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
