His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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