I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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