I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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