I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
