We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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