drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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