i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
