I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
