im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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