Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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