I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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