Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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